Football Star Lawrence Taylor Admitted Sex Addiction in 2004

Pro Football Hall of Famer and former "Dancing with the Stars" contestant Lawrence Taylor, who was recently charged in the alleged rape of a 16-year-old girl, admitted in 2004 to spending about $1,000 daily on escort services, often calling six prostitutes a day.

Medical Specialists Recognizing Sex Addiction as a Disorder

At a weekly meeting of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) in Boston, most of the 50 men and women are professionals, and some are students and retirees. Bella English of Boston.com writes that this could be a meeting to save the rainforests—but these people are trying to save themselves.

Coming to Grips with Sexual Compulsivity

Pardon the play on words here, but if it got you reading further, that’s all that matters. This article is geared towards the individual who has, or believes he or she has, a problem with compulsive sexual behavior. It’s at the point when the awful realization hits that your obsession with sex and all things sexual is interfering with your life that you know you have to do something about it. The question is: what?

The answers may surprise you. Then, again, maybe they won’t. Let’s begin with a definition of sexual compulsivity.

Sexual Compulsivity

Although there is no universally-accepted definition of sexual compulsivity, with some experts in the treatment field, along with numerous websites, articles, books and journals contending that sexual compulsivity is synonymous with sexual addiction, most sources agree that sexual compulsivity involves behavior that the individual understands that sexual behavior is interfering with his or her life and yet he or she continues despite negative consequences. At the heart of sexual compulsivity, then, is both the recognition of the condition and the inability to control the sexual behavior.

What specific behaviors, actions or thoughts constitute sexual compulsivity? In other words, how do you know if what you do, think or say means you have a problem with sexual compulsivity? Various websites provide self-questionnaires that you can complete that may point to a problem with sexually compulsive behavior, but they are by no means definitive, nor should they be taken as a diagnosis. They can, however, solidify in your mind whether or not you may be able to benefit from some kind of treatment or therapy.

The following sexual addiction screening test (SAST) is adapted from and used with permission of Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., psychologist and author, whose website SexHelp.com was created to help those affected (directly or indirectly) by sexual addiction and sexual compulsivity.

• Were you abused sexually as a child or adolescent?
• Are you often preoccupied with thoughts of a sexual nature?
• Did your parents have problems with sex or sexual behavior in the marriage?
• Does your sexual behavior ever make you feel bad?
• Do you believe that your sexual behavior is somehow not normal?
• Is your sexual behavior causing problems for you and your family? Has it ever?
• Have you ever hurt someone emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
• Has your own sexual behavior ever prompted you to seek treatment or help?
• Are there specific sexual behaviors that you’ve ever tried to quit – and failed?
• Do you hide any, some or all of your sexual behaviors from others?
• Have you ever done something against the law in connection with your sexual behavior?
• Have you made a diligent attempt to stop doing some parts of your sexual activity?
• Do your sexual behaviors make you feel degraded?
• In your opinion, do you feel that you are controlled by your sexual desire?
• After having sex, do you feel depressed?
• Do you ever have the thought that your sexual desire is stronger than you are?
• Are you, or have you been, neglecting important parts of your life – such as your marriage, relationships, job and leisure activities – because of the amount of time you spend on sexual activities?
• Do you constantly think about sex?
• Do you escape your problems through sex or romantic fantasies?
• Are you in crisis over sexual matters?
• Is sex becoming, or is it already, the most important part of your life?
• What about the Internet? Has it created sexual problems for you?
• Do you find that you’ve been spending too much time online for sexual purposes?
• Do you purchase erotic services online (friend finder, dating sites, pornography and fantasy)?
• Do you make connections for romantic or erotic purposes online?
• Have your online sexual activities caused another person to be upset?
• Have you tried to stop your online sexual activities?
• Do you purchase, rent or subscribe to sexually-oriented materials such as videos, magazines and books or online pornography?
• Do you find yourself spending inordinate amounts of time surfing pornography online?
• Have you ever had sex or been sexual with minors?
• Have you spent considerable money and time on strip clubs, movie houses and erotic bookstores?
• Have you used prostitutes and escorts to satisfy your sexual urges?
• Have you ever regularly purchased sexually explicit magazines or romantic novels?
• Do you continue to use sexually explicit books, magazines or online pornography despite the increased risk that family members may find out and be upset by your behavior?
• What about romantic relationships – have you ever stayed in one even after it has become physically or emotionally abusive?
• Have you traded sex for gifts or money?
• Have you ever been paid for sex?
• Do you have multiple romantic or sexual relationships at the same time?
• Do you refrain from sex for a period of time after sexually acting out?
• Have you regularly engaged in sadomasochistic behavior?
• As part of your regular sexual activity, do you ever visit bath houses, adult video/bookstores or sex clubs?
• Do you cruise public restrooms or rest areas or parks looking for sex with strangers?
• Have you engaged in risky sex even though you know it may cause you and other harm?
• Has your sexual behavior ever put you at risk of arrest for lewd or indecent behavior?
• Do you believe your pursuit of casual, anonymous sex has prevented you from having more long-term, intimate relationships?

To gain a more specific idea of whether or not your answers may indicate the presence of sexual addiction or sexual compulsivity, go to the actual SAST online questionnaire and complete it.

What to Do About Sexual Compulsivity

Whether or not you completed the online SAST, if you’ve answered the screening questions honestly and have any concerns over how many of them you replied “Yes” to, please consider looking into some form of professional help. You can start with your family physician, clergyman, family or trusted friend. If you and others feel that you may have a problem with sexual compulsivity, perhaps this is something that you should pay attention to.

Help is available in numerous ways. Use any or all of them as appropriate. But do investigate the subject thoroughly and take action. Or, if you are checking into this for a partner or loved one that you believe has a problem with sexual compulsivity, do all you can to become knowledgeable about the condition and encourage that individual to proceed to get help.

• Individual Therapy – Look for a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) or psychiatrist or psychologist trained in dealing with sexual compulsivity and addiction. CSAT are all members of The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), an organization dedicated to those seeking resources and information about sexual addiction and sexual compulsivity. For best results, look for a therapist who is both CSAT certified and a SASH member.

• Group Therapy – The therapist you see may offer group therapy as part of the treatment plan.

• Family or Couples Therapy – To be effective, the recovering sexual compulsive or sex addict needs to have the support and understanding of partner and family. For this to happen, these individuals should participate in treatment geared toward couples or family. Couples therapy may be a weekend, once weekly or an intensive 10-day seminar, and should be combined with participation in a 12-step program. Family treatment is usually a weekly participation, although frequency varies depending on type of treatment program.

• 12-Step Groups – Regardless of whether or not you (or the person with the sexual compulsivity) seek treatment from a trained therapist, you will most likely join a 12-step group. Here are some 12-step groups to check out:

o Sexaholics Anonymous
o Sex Addicts Anonymous
o Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
o Sexual Compulsives Anonymous
o Sexual Recovery Anonymous

• For co-dependents and family members, here are some 12-step groups that can provide assistance:

o Co-Dependents of Sex Addicts (COSA)
o S-Anon International Family Groups
o CO-Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (COSLAA)
o Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA)

How Long Does it Take?

Depending on the frequency of the sexual behavior, the length of time, type of behavior or behaviors, the individual and any affected partners or family – as well as other factors – the amount of time therapy takes for sexual compulsivity or sexual addiction varies. It could be three years or as many as five years, according to experts in treating the conditions. The actual amount of time that you need to commit to therapy shouldn’t be a deterrent – or even a major consideration. The point is that if you have experienced significant problems as a result of your sexual thoughts and behavior, if all you think about is sex, and if you are unable to stop or control your sexual behavior despite negative consequences, you do need some form of counseling and therapy in order to develop a more healthy sexual outlook and learn how to achieve true intimacy.

The choice is purely up to you. Although you may be influenced by requests by your partner, significant other, family members or concerned friends, you need to acknowledge you have a problem and be genuinely committed to overcoming it. In contrast to other compulsions and addictions such as alcohol, drugs or gambling, sex is a normal and vital part of human existence. As such, abstinence is not the goal. Learning to have healthy sexual relationships and true intimacy is what you should strive for.