Taking Charge of What You Need to Know About Your Sexually Compulsive Partner’s Behavior

When you first learn of your partner’s sexual addiction, it’s a crushing feeling. No matter what you tell yourself about how it can’t be true, that it didn’t happen, you know in your gut that it is true, it did happen – and now you have to deal with it as best you can. Powerful emotions flood your every waking moment. First you think you’ll throw the sexually-compulsive cheater out. Then you reconsider. After all, you did make a commitment. Then, your thoughts go back to the fact that this is a person you thought you knew, and now isn’t to be trusted. What should you do?

The answer may surprise you. One of the most empowering things you can do now – admittedly a low point in your life – is to take charge of what you need to know about your sexually-compulsive partner’s behavior. But what does this really mean. Better yet, how do you go about it? Read on.

Take Stock of the Situation

First you need to take stock of your current situation. While you may initially think the situation is obvious – your partner cheated on you, one way or another – it’s much more than that. You need to take into consideration how long the partnership or marriage has existed, what type of relationship the two of you have enjoyed during that time, if there are any children involved, your financial circumstances – as a couple and individually, and whether you are currently employed or are dependent upon your partner.

There are other considerations as well, including whether this is the first time you’ve discovered your partner’s sexual transgressions, whether his or her sexual behavior has become more and more flagrant and/or escalated in intensity, frequency and variety. Chances are, if this is the first time you’ve noticed the behavior, or the first time it has been drawn to your attention, the sexually-compulsive behavior may be in its initial stages. That’s the good news.

If such behavior has been escalating for some time and you’ve secretly been somewhat aware but chose to look the other way, excuse it, deny it, or tell yourself it didn’t matter, the sexual compulsiveness may have already intensified to the point of addiction. If so, the sexually-compulsive partner most likely has a rock-solid system in place for perpetuating his or her out-of-the-norm sexual behaviors – including an elaborate web of alibis, lies, and half-truths. Your partner has, in effect, become adept at putting one over on you. That’s the bad news.

Once you take stock of your personal situation, you’re ready for the next step: making a decision.